Hopeless Love
by Inglorious DMK
Summary: Sometimes, love just doesn't make sense. Onesided ItaNaru, Naruto's POV.


Title: Hopeless Love

Author: Kameko-chan

Pairings: One-sided Naruto/Itachi

Warnings: Darkness, talk of suicide.

Notes: Written for the Lyric Wheel challenge on the Narutoyaoi LJ. Naruto's POV. I don't think it's all that good, but feedback is the only way I'll improve, so I'm posting anyways.

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Wow, the Hokage himself is here to interrogate me? I'm honored, really I am. Nice hat, by the way.

Oh, don't glare at me, Sasuke. We haven't seen each other in almost ten years; what say we put the past behind us and go get a drink, hm?

Oh please, are you _still _carrying a grudge about that? It's not like you didn't rebuild the village after I burned it to the ground, after all. And may I say, it looks _very _nice. Good job on that.

Okay, fine, I'll shut up. What do you want to know?

Ah, Itachi. He's dead. Killed himself last week; decided he'd had enough of life, I suppose. Don't ask me what the hell he was thinking, ten years living with him and I still haven't figured out how his mind works.

Yes, that is a tear, thank you for so rudely pointing it out. Bastard.

Why? You've got to be kidding me. Honestly Sasuke, how did someone so stupid become Hokage? And you used to call _me _the total moron. I'm crying because I love him, obviously.

Don't make that face. Oh, you know, the one you always make whenever someone mentions the 'L' word. There, you're doing it again. Stop it, it makes you look like a raisin when you wrinkle your face like that, and you know how I hate raisins.

I don't know _why _I loved him, don't you think I'd have stop myself if I did? I just loved him is all. I loved him so strongly that if I tried to put it into words it would overload your tiny little brain.

Yes, of course it disgusted me. Do you think I _wanted _to fall in love with your brother? I mean, he's not exactly Prince Charming, now is he? But I couldn't help it, really. I tried to hate him, but every time I saw him I'd get butterflies in my stomach and I'd get all light-headed. My control over my emotions was never as good as yours, you know.

He never really cared about me. It was always the kyuubi, always all about the kyuubi. So when he came to me that night and said he wanted _me _to join him... well, I can't really explain how it felt. I was just... happy beyond belief. He was manipulating my feelings for him to get at the kyuubi's powers, and I knew it, and I didn't care. Artificial happiness was better than nothing.

And when he told me to destroy the village to prove my loyalty to him, I didn't even hesitate. I was just so eager to show him how much I loved him, what I'd do for him. I'd hoped that maybe by doing as he asked I could make him like me back. In hindsight, I probably should have thought that over a little more carefully.

Huh? Well, yes, I could've beat him to a bloody pulp if I'd wanted to, but what does—

Sasuke, he didn't threaten—

Okay, I think you're missing the point here. Now, watch my lips closely, I don't want to repeat this.

I.

Love.

Itachi.

L-O-V-E.

Of _course _I'm sure, you idiot.

Oh, for fuck's sake, do I have to explain everything?

Listen... shit, how do I explain this? Well, I wanted to be with him so badly that I was in pain whenever he wasn't around, that's a pretty good indicator. It nearly made me sick, how much I wanted him, _needed _him.

Yeah, he did terrify me. I think that was part of the attraction, really. He was frightening and entrancing at the same time. Every time I was in his presence, adrenaline coursed through my veins and I'd forget to breathe. Then would come that queasy feeling of butterflies in the pit of my stomach—I got addicted to the fear, Sasuke. Itachi was like my drug, and I was a happy, happy addict.

Fuck, I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this. You're probably the least likely to understand how I felt about him. Not only did you hate him, but you've never been in love with anyone in your life, have you? And even if you had, what would you know about rejection? I grew up watching the girls fawn all over you, if you'd ever fallen in love you wouldn't have had any trouble getting them to love you back. I wasn't so lucky in my quest; I don't think he ever even liked me all that much.

And now he's dead.

What the hell am I going to do, Sasuke? I gave up everything for him. I threw away everything I was so that I could simply be with him, even if he didn't give a damn how I felt I still thought it would be worth it, to be close to him. And now he's gone, and what's left of me? Nothing. Just a few shattered pieces of something I used to be.

You know, you could help me out, Sasuke.

Why, kill me, of course. End it, right here. Do it for all those people I killed. Do it for your murdered family. Do it because I loved the one who hurt you so much. Do it because you can, I don't care what reason you pick to justify it. Just, please...

Heh. Listen to me. I'm a coward. At least when he got tired of life, he had the courage to end it himself. Please ignore my inane rambling. It's just... I loved him so _much_, Sasuke. I don't expect you to understand it, but I can't bear the thought that he's gone. He never showed me a shred of affection, but I still love him. Why? Why him? That's one thing that still mystifies me. Maybe it was an unchangeable destiny, like Neji used to always say. Maybe we really are caught in fate's current, and all this pain I've felt and caused is part of some sort of intricate tapestry that cannot be rewoven.

Pssht, why the hell am I still talking? You're probably bored out of your skull by now, or really creeped out. Probably both. Go, call it a night. It's not like I won't still be here later if you need to know anything else.

And Sasuke? If it's not too much trouble, go have a drink when you leave, for me. Raise your glass to sorrow, and drink to all the pain.

Thank you. You're a good friend. I don't deserve anyone like you.

Fuck, you look so much like him...

~FIN~


End file.
